P. S. S. You will always be in my heart

Dearest mother I hope that when you receive this letter you are in the best of health             
Mom  this is usually how I start my letters to you but this time is not the case.
Dear mom now I know you are well and so am I
I talk to you every day but no response
So I write which I know you will see especially mom when I frame it and hang it next to your picture
Dear mom I remember during the school year most of the time I was with one aunt in Brownsville
Mom and all summer long in Coney Island with my other aunt
Mommie Dearest why out of 3 you always kept 2
Dear mom at age 11 you relocated to a town on Pennsylvania
Mom at the end of the summer you picked me up in Brooklyn
Mother You took me away from my family
Mom making me feel like an outcast
Mom a black sheep, exiled, and destituted
Dear mom I need you to talk you
Mom I don’t feel comfortable here
Mom I am having trouble
Mom having trouble making friends
Mother I don’t like this nook
Mommy please send me back to New York with my aunts and cousins
Mother you told me I had to graduate high school before I could transfer back to New York
Dear mom remember all the times I said I love you
Mommie dearest what was your response
If wasn’t silence mom
It was —- RESPECT —- Present yourself with poise and confidence — Interact with others— Make good solid choices —
Mom You told me — Conduct yourself honorably — Be responsible — Keep your morals — Have faith
Mommie dearest all this sounds so easy but at times the the stakes were much too high
Dear mom reminiscing of the morning when You ran in my room
Mommy waking me crying profusely
Mommy drenching my long black hair
Mom you grabbed me in your arms
Mommy didn’t want to let go because you had a vivid dream
Mom you told me that my ex-boyfriend was going to kill me
Mommy by God’s grace I escaped
Mom I was feeling ashamed, vulnerable, not wanting you to see my disfigured face
Mommy fearing for my life, I eluded to New York
Mommie dearest you shunned me
Mommie dearest for not wanting to go back to that hell hole town in Pennsylvania
Mommie dearest with you after almost being killed
Mom can’t you understand I was victimized
Dear mom fearfully feeling like I’m standing on a tight rope waiting to fall
Mom everyone watching, taking bets
Mother no one wanting to lose, ill-concealed I am a captive
Mother hostage of my vicious anger
Dear mom a facade of crying eyes now contorted with evil cruelty
mom the pain of holding too much inside
Dear mom the torture that chips away slowly at my heart
Mother Pent up, Always fighting, Feeling Crucified, My fiery soul
Mom missing in action mortally my purgatory was everyone’s hell
So as I stand and ponder mom
Thinking I have THE SOLUTION
Dear mom volcanically, trying to make everything disappear
Mom yet it stays complete and destroys me
Mommie fiercely I’m hurting inside
Mom I yell for liberation but you are not there to hear my pleas
Dear mom profoundly I feeling so lonely in such a big world
Mom don’t want to confront crisis reluctantly the decision has to be without restraint
Mother entrenched all I want is FREEDOM
Dear mom invitation to go through with what’s already being planned
Mommie undoing what has been done is impossible
Dear mother Termination
Dear mother who will feel afflicted but I’m too tired of feeling anything
Mom can’t you see?
Mom don’t you care?
Mom don’t you listen?
Mom are you afraid of what might follow once you start or
Mom would you rather not believe I’m in so much agony
Mother that all your wisdom and good advice must be in vain
Dear mother I feel like destruction is pulling me under
Mom kicking and mauling – fighting to stay above destruction but
Mom destruction won’t let go
Mommie it’s crippling me and raging me
mommie it’s an excruciating, tortuous path that forces and gnaws away at my happiness
Dear mom guiding to agonizing deep-rooted bitterness
Mommie please grab my hand and don’t let go
Mom pull me away from the destruction’s vice-like grip
Mom there is a thin line between me and the border of light and dark
Mommie where are you?
Mom don’t abandon me!
Mother I gave into the demons that – that I once held in my heart
Mom can’t – too late – help me from my weakness
So mom I slowly slip below the world of conscientious
Dear mother obscured by the possessors of that world
Mother I don’t want to fight anymore I’ve given into mayhem
Dear Mother the way I think, the way I feel, you always told me that you never understood
Dear Mother I impacted relationships, wasn’t able to achieve goals (even hindered)
Mommie dearest didn’t meet your standards most of the time
Mom I had many struggles to live my day-to-day life but
Mommie dearest what you failed to understand is that everyone is different
Mother affected differently, impacted differently in life
Mom not just the suffers- ME but
Mom those who you love – You
Dear mom what’s always important to remember and appreciate is that
Mommy I can get better and learn to successively achieve my goals
Dear mom I am beautiful, irreplaceable and unique
Mother I could make my own contribution to this world
Therefore my mother dear living a double life I could no more
Mom I stopped asking WHY
Dear mom now I try to forget as many reminders and reliving the past
Dear mom all the nightmares will not go away
Dear mom taking it one step at a time and day by day
Mom I will progress and live a better productive life
Dear mom writing and talking helps me so
Mommy I will talk and write to you more frequently

2 thoughts on “P. S. S. You will always be in my heart”

  1. Jeanette,

    Wow. Wow.

    There is so much that is striking about this poem, but I think for me the way you play with repetition is perhaps the thing that stands out most. Going between “dear mom” to “mommie dearest” to just “mom”, etc — it’s incredible, and it really helps take the reader/listener on the the journey you’re going on.

    I also want to encourage you, as you edit, to think about breath. This has such great rhythm — created in large part by your repetitions — but think about how long your breath can last when you’re going through sentences, about what you want your own spoken word rhythm to be. That might affect the length and structure of a lot of the lines (or it might not!).

    Also, don’t forget to include your artist’s statement with your final draft — the questions to answer for that are on your assignment sheet/on the announcements page of this site!

    Fabulous job, Jeanette, truly — wow.


  2. This is beautiful ! I love how you fix the things that we mentioned to you in the classroom. You took me to a long trip with a lot feelings. This is just beautiful … I love how I was able to understand it since the day you were reading it to me in the classroom.

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