“Poem For A Lady Whose Voice I Like” Fanfic DRAFT

 

“ Poem For A Lady Whose Voice I Like” Fanfic

The door knocks come in he says, sit down I’ve got some exciting news a new role came up and the director asked for you directly! She perked up with excitement and says “oh yea what is it ? “ He begins to explain the role of how she would be a heroic women who fights villains. It was all sounding marvelous until he showed her the sketch up of the character. This halted her excitement she was tired of playing roles that were overly sexualized and required her to show so much skin,  She thought for a change this was actually going to be a story about a strong bad ass woman. “I don’t want to do this role !” she said , he replied “ NO No no you  don’t understand this movie has great revenue possibilities its a shoe in to be a hit it already has such an intense following, you can’t turn this down this is a career solidifying kind of role. “I want to do roles that are more complex and dynamic, a role that will allow me to show my talent, something meaningful” she said.  He began to get upset not being able to wrap his mind around her not wanting the part

so he said “You ain’t got no talent, if you didn’t have a face you wouldn’t be nobody”

and she said “god created heaven and earth and all thats black within them”

so he said “You ain’t really no hot shit they tell me plenty sisters take care better business than you”

 

What does my story feel like its missing ?

Should I give him more of a back story ?

2 thoughts on ““Poem For A Lady Whose Voice I Like” Fanfic DRAFT”

  1. Jessica,

    This is too cool — I love the route you chose here!!! And your integration of the poem was so clever and cool. It fit really seamlessly with the rest of the way you told your story!

    I would encourage you to expand with more fleshy details; where are they, how long have they been working together, why does she assume that because the costume is sexual that she can’t also be strong and badass? I think exploring those things in your story could be really exciting!

    I also want to encourage you to make sure your dialogue is always marked with quotation marks. And, remember, each time a different character speaks, their dialogue gets its own paragraph. Something like this:

    The door knocks. “Come in,” he says, “sit down I’ve got some exciting news. A new role came up and the director asked for you directly!”

    She perked up with excitement and says, “oh yea what is it ?”

    Do you see what I mean? Additionally, I’d checked your capitalizations (I adjusted some for you in there) and also — and this is something I do in my own writing alllll the time — remember to keep your tenses the same. Sometimes, you’re using past and sometimes you’re using present (perked, which is past tense, and then says, which is present tense), so make sure you pick one and stick to it!

    You’re doing a great job — I can’t wait to read more about your characters!!

    JP

  2. I love the plot of this. I read your unsure thoughts about your fan fic and i think maybe you should mention some of the stuff she had previously starred in and explain why she will not act in this one. Other than that, i like your writing!

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