Professor Jay Polish
March 26, 2018
“ Poem For A Lady Whose Voice I Like” Fanfic
Its 2007 and the thing I thought would never happen to me happened. Im standing here motionless feeling nothing but my heart that feels as its about to burst out of my chest. As the realization hits me I can feel panic begin to evoke in me I was just raped. Im sitting in the shower praying that somehow in someway this water can wash away this disgust I am feeling and the lingering of his touch. “Why me ? Why me? “ To make things worse it was my best-friends boyfriend. The next few days I walked around feeling like a shell. Unfortunately things got worse, somehow a version of what happened made its way to my best friends ear. You see I had felt alone for days and after that it became reality, and with every whisper that went around it was another friendship broken. All my friends believed a story where I was somehow the villain. I tried to tell them what had truly happened but they thought I was trying to create a bandage to cover a big mistake I had made. I couldn’t find my voice to keep fighting to get my friends to understand that what they knew was not what happened. That day I was left feeling like my story did not matter so I locked it away painted a smile and was left to deal on my own. Throughout the next year I was in a mental spiral. But enough was enough and I made a vow to myself to take the power back into my hands. I started by taking a self defense class it seemed like the right place to start. It made me feel powerful. I started doing things I loved again like acting. Its a bit twisted but I found pleasure in taking on different roles and being able to leave my life, even if just for the moment. [Time passes] Luck began to find me and I found success as an actress. The memories of that instance were locked away, and I hadn’t thought about them in years. Until now, I just wrapped filming on a show where I am playing a role of a girl who was sexually assaulted and becomes a vigilante who kills and maims men on campus who have raped and assaulted female students. It left me in a weird mind space. I began thinking of all the roles I had taken on where women have this smoke screen of being these strong bad ass women who can kick ass. But when you get to the nitty gritty of it these are just hyper-sexualized female protagonists who are able to “kick ass” with the best of them. They appear empowered, but their very existence is to serve pleasure too the heterosexual male viewer.
** RING ** My thoughts where interrupted by a phone call from my manager, he says its urgent and I need to come to his office ASAP, he seems very excited so it must be something big!
My knocks on the door are received with a “come in!” from the other side. He says sit sit, I’ve got some exciting news a new role came up and the director asked for you directly! She perked up with excitement and says “oh yea what is it ? “ He begins to explain the role of how I would be a heroic women who fights villains. Its all sounding marvelous until he shows me the sketch up of the character. This halted my excitement, my eyes are drawn directly to her wardrobe that is made up of what looks like underwear and a top that is skin tight with boob cutouts. Im tired of playing roles that are overly sexualized and require so much skin to show. For a second I thought this was actually going to be a story about a strong bad ass woman.
“I don’t want to do this role !”, he replies “ NO No no you don’t understand this movie has great revenue possibilities its a shoe in to be a hit it already has such an intense following, you can’t turn this down this is a career solidifying kind of role. Of courses thats all he could see the possible revenue his eyes were money signs at this point. “I want to do roles that are more complex and dynamic, a role that will allow me to show my talent, something meaningful”. We get into a heated argument because he can’t see my point of reason. I bring up countless examples wonder women, cat-women, Harley Quinn, heroes and villains running around in tiny bikinis, catsuits with deep V-cuts, while flying around, fighting crime. Somehow my manager doesn’t see a problem with that.
so he said “You ain’t got no talent, if you didn’t have a face you wouldn’t be nobody”
and I said “god created heaven and earth and all thats black within them”
so he said “You ain’t really no hot shit they tell me plenty sisters take care better business than you”